Four Years Later

The single biggest transformational event in my life, probably other than my birth, occurred four years ago when my mother passed away.  Four years went by in a blink of an eye, but on the other hand it didn’t.  Time feels like it crawled on by.  I’m not sure how to explain this feeling, other than asking you to just trust me on this.

As I reflect on the last four years, it occurs to me how transformational they have been. This singular event fundamentally changed my life and how I live my life.  Everything changed.  The only things that remain the same is that I still live in the same home, drive the same car, and have an amazing foundation and network of friends who are family.

As I look back on the last four years, I’m so grateful for how my life has turned around.  I don’t know how these years would have been different if my mom were still alive.  That is something that I will never know.

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But what I do know is that if my mother were still alive, I would not have made choices that put me on paths that have allowed me to meet amazing new people, take risks that have been profoundly rewarding, or create opportunities that have opened new doors to me. 

I can say with confidence that I probably never would have left the corporate world.  Maybe, I would have gotten a new job that paid more money, but I doubt that I would have taken the risk to open up my own business and become my own boss.  I also would have lost out on being able to share my experiences and help people, which I find incredibly rewarding.

I hate that it took my mother’s passing to get me to the point where I am now, because I obviously want her here with me.  I never wanted her to get sick.  I never wanted her to leave us.  Unfortunately, I didn’t get a say in that.

However, I am so proud of myself about how I took the cards that I was dealt and made a wonderful life from it.  I have no doubt that my mom would be so proud of me right now.  I can’t help but think she is watching over me and cheering me on from heaven.

During the afternoon on the day she died, I felt this overwhelming sense of freedom and lightness in my body.  I couldn’t explain it then.  When I had that feeling in my body, I had no idea that about seven hours later she would be gone.  I think that feeling was a foreshadowing of how my life would be without her. 

Her death showed me that I have the freedom to live my life anyway that I want to and that I’m only responsible to myself and my family.  Her death showed me that life is precious and fragile, and that we must live every day like it is our last.  Her death also showed me that we need to be in service to others because our life is a legacy to leave to others.

I learned so many lessons from her, it was only fitting that she had a career as a teacher. Not only did she give me life, but in her death, she gave me a life where I would be happy, healthy, friendly, and in service to others. She was the most selfless person I have ever known.

As I reflect on the last four years, time flew by, but it also went so slowly.  There was a huge hole in my heart.  I never thought I would smile again or laugh.  I thought my life was over.  Four years later, I’m smiling, laughing, and living a life I could never have imagined back then.  I am so abundantly blessed.